more spine on a jellyfish

we dont remember days, we remember moments.
we dont rememer playlists, we remember songs.
i could tell you exactly what i was doing the first time i heard tommy gun and the last time i heard it.
i could tell you exactly where i was the first time i heard the reason or silverstien
i could tell you exaclty who i was with when i last heard wonderwall (that fcking song. .)
and i could tell you exactly what i was wearing the first time i heard the killers and what i wasnt wearing last time i heard the killers.
i could tell you excatly what i felt the first time i heard the holly springs disaster or mgmt.

i can remember that time i got ready for my first "show" thinking a striped polo and skinnys meant i was XcoreX.
i can remember the last time he said i looked pretty or pushed my hair out of my eyes.
i can remember how ridiculous sick my sternum was [click]. or how cute i looked with blond hair for that matter.
i can remember the last time i cried i laughed so hard
i can remember the first phone call " why was tn your favourite"
i can remember when he got so drunk he spilled everything you ever said about me
i can remember telling her every last detail of what i'd been up to- and watching her jaw drop in disbelief.
and i can remember everylast shitshow better than i remember 4 days ago.
the list goes on.

look at your face- like your killed in a dream. and you think you've figured everything out. i think you know my geometry pretty damn well you say what you need so youll get more, if you could just milk it for everything. i've said what i said and you know what i mean.

im still pretty nervous about . .
well, you'll know in time.
i suppose.
and now we wait.

tell me what you got away with

you smell good- what was that sent again?
ohyeah, i cheat on everyone by calvin klein.


tonight i fell in love.. .
nick&norahs infinite playlist.
cutest movie of my life.
norah was secretly playing my life on big screen- she just didnt know it yet. fuck.
i think i was smiling just as the name of the movie showed up on the screen.
but really-- my lifestory.
nick, tall, tris, the drunk friend. .
watch it, youll just know what character you are in my life.


this weekend was different.
in a weird 8months ago-esque way.
window watching (with excittment) , curled up with pillows-giggling- wifes&husbands, albino children. latenight showtime. achomplishing nothing productive but content in doing so.
only this time you werent my husband and everybody lost with gray girl pants.
haha- i think youll always remain my fave.


then again this weekend wasnt that different, still procrasinating on hw and the million other things this week. shitbox.


"you don't have to yell- we're not at a train station. we're in a tiny car."

"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"

i was nervous that today would be the day- but it wasn't.
maybe tomorrow.
the perfect hipster attire, overly cordinated friends and smoking bubles expolding at the most perfect times.
almost to perfect.
bob ross infatuation, we were the happy little mistakes- just letting it happen.
when we all got talking, it was like we never skipped a beat
although our rhythm was a little off this time.
i stopped faking it when you stoped caring
you never noticed. you said you always knew.


then again you are far to cute or whatever he said.

i've got a twenty dollar bill

i'm a birthday candle in a circle of black girls


I'm put together beautifully;
Big wet bottle in my fist
I'm a perfect piece of ass
Like every Californian
So tall I take over the street
with highbeams shining on my back
A wingspan unbelievable
I'm a festival, I'm a parade
all the wine is for me






one thought of the day: class reading out loud-- seriously
one word for the day: lame
one line from the day: "he's not attractive, just warning you"
one look of the day: glazed, lost, thought i knew you better than that.

you're tearing up your photos

"if you drink wine you can't be a whore,--it's classy-- we'll i drink a vodka so.."
oh how i love you.


pretty much a perma wastecase these days.
it's getting colder, the fairs comming soon.
cute.
falling leaves and pumpkin frenzy ♥-- ew wait do i sound like one of those season enthusiast mom blogs? gross.
so, glad to have friends back in order.
joking is now approriate and expected.






when you get it, take it as a smile from me to you.
nothing more, nothing less.
let me know.

pulling at your insides all night

$500 later
a winter coat that will make boys cry
vnecks and floppy hats.
toronto is bad news.

tonight entails
rapture VIP at the absinthe.
trashfest.


it's time to kill the drama this lifestyles getting old.

nurture cherished wounds

medium is the message.
we'll see how it plays out in a few days.

new holes in my face soon times.
new wardrobe tomorrow &go.

i just want to make you smile.
je ne sais pas.

i need more crystal castle in my life.
thrash leather jackets and american apparel.
well fuck me.

the part i must have missed

"my life is like a soap opera, only i never win"
"what are you talking about, you always win.."
.."i know right.."

you left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul.
today was to hot for september
he's not as naive as we thought.
if you know, sorry i didnt tell you.
mondays are the new tuesday nights.
get stoked.

i submit no excuse

fall back on reasons that we know won't stand a chance



in my weekend of scandal



2 mistakes that should have never happened

2 mistakes that were glady taken

2 mistakes that never happened but should have

nights growing old in your bed

"my dads a doctor, it's hard to live up to that"
.."thats to bad.."
"your a nice girl.."

do girls really fall for that shit? spending half my night being a victim of bad pickup lines was VERY overratted.
pub night seemed like a lame high school prom. how are 22 year olds going when im 19 and finding it a bad scene. over priced booze and over priced company.

being half trashed was a tease.
and being baked off my face was even worse. strobe + black lights made it seem like i was having a fucking seizure all night.

finally it's friday.
the weekend looks promising.
and so stoked for monday B.A.R.K adventures.
♥

i hope she's caught in the explosion

and after it all.
you still make me nervous.
in the best way possible.

"did you get it all sorted out with .."
"if i said no would i be the worst person ever?"
"no, me and .. are here for you, always remember that"

so i'm not sure what rattled me more.
the phenomenal friend texts or the friend that used to think i was phenomenal.

red, gold, i told.

falling of the face of the earth for a few days was probably the best thing i could have done, finally, stress free. no FB, no msn, no blog and no phone. and still, with everything off, i managed to get into a little trouble avec a certain fave girlfriend $130 later, 16 drinks in, "SHOTTY ORANGE." fumbling cigarettes and discussing top 2's while warding off creep shows, i felt myself again. my heart stopped feeling so heavy.
the rest of the weekend i was occupied with friends and family, and T.O sunday for a bridal shower.

i've calmed down, listened to some BN and C&C, come to terms that i'm going to look into poligimy and marry jesse lacey, dallas green, and david beckham will be tied up in my closet. .. and maybe memphis from bb. im such a sucker for a vneck.

smile
♥
the old renee is back in the game.

we were contenders

mmm ink pentrating skin. when your getting tattooed, it's the strangest feeling, i've heard it described as scratching a sun burn repeatedly, or having your belly button peirced over and over. sounds rather excrutiating, doesn't it? when i got the side of my ribs done, it was..this weird mix of pain and also pleasure. the needle felt like it was right on my bones, vibrating my entire body for an hour. every letter felt like it would never be finished, after about a half hour in, my body went numb and only noticed the pain when he hit really sensitive spots. the pleasure maybe was more intriguing; some fully tattooed kinda cute kinda funny but not funny looking man was constantly injecting ink under my skin. he paid attention to every detail, taking breaks when my sighs of pain got more noticible. i've been thinking about getting a new tattoo for a bit now, an elephant from the temptation of st. anthony painting either down the otherside of my ribs or down my back.


how do we feel about this?

it hurts a whole lot but it's missed when it's gone

sometimes it's my head or my back that hurts. other times it's my heart or my bones.

i'm feeling a bit better, being a sulky emo kid really gets you know where in life. the sinking feeling is slowly fading, or being pushed back away like usual. i'm excitted about potential plans this week- which probably wont happen since im the only one excitted for plans, ever. another aspect getting me know where in life, over excittment. but i really hate note being any fun.


i need adventure this week.
and spontinaity.
nothing to extreme, but hopefully trouble and good friends come my way.


:)
ps, new song, put up your speakers

play crack the sky

oakville is so lonely. dont take it personally if i seem more needy then usually. my first legit week of living on my home and i miss all the comforts of my house already, my rents, my grumpy cat even just having someone to come home to know- knowing some one else is in the house whenever i like. -- it's weird. i can see myself changing just from feeling alone all the time. i know ive only been in oakville a week but, i get so quiet all the time. i just smile now to be polite, just so people won't ask me " what's up."all this week i've had to text everyone to make plans, half the time i never get a response back, the other half the time i'm just looking for people to text me, just to see what's up. you know what i mean? i'm not adjusting to this whole lonely thing to well.. especially at night, the house seems even more empty. i sit in my room and i can't sleep. i over think everything and stress myself out. i feel like i'm no fun because i'm so un happy right now it's unreal. i hate feeling like i have no one to talk to about shit like this without feeling like they dont wan't to hear it or will think i'm dumb.

ugh.


whoa. cheer up emo kid.
teenage angst is apparently making a comeback.



make me smile.