surprise me

"i dont trust his hands, their small"
even at our worst, we're still better than most
i felt like a phone call tonight, but no such luck
i remain hopeful, but already know the outcome
this week my brain is going to explode
i said i stopped faking it when you stoped caring
but really you never cared enough to know i was faking.
your lips are more sincere than your eyes
fishing for compliments gets you know where
i miss that smell on my sweaters,
over priced boy and bad intentions.
i'm tired
i'm cold
and i'm into jerks.
well fuck me.

i'll stand as still as you need

You were looking for a way to change your life. You could not do this on your own. All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you want to look, I fuck like you want to fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.

those stupid fucking sheets didnt even matter this time
grabbing anything and everything to stop trembling was first priority.
i smiled. you moaned. i pulled your hips closer. you pulled my hair closer. i fell asleep shaking and smiling. you fell asleep like any other night.

handsome and smart

my tounges the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart

my mac is dead. and will not be fixed for 4-6 weeks. in the mean time im on this POS pc laptop that weighs more than my right leg and is thicker than a black girls weave. how. . uninspiring? not to mention all my files will be erased. shit. this laptop has so many un helpful key diagrams. wtf is a box with some guys hand poiting to it mean. or "verr; maj"? wtf pc this is bullshit.

anyways, this week i have a million assignments to do and more tests. joy. i also need to apply for a job as i have this shitbox laptop to pay for while my other one is getting fixed.

i also need to double time on the diet as some of you are getting skinny fast. fuck.

and a few questions to be answered since alot of you are on my case i havent gotten up the courage to get that sorted out yet.

i'll add it to the list.
-16 fingers crossed.

brass buttons on your coat

nothing really went as planned today. .


1. best lines of my life "it tastes like a kiss." "it doesn't taste like anyone i've been kissing" "exactly." .."true."
2. tomorrow is looking like Dday. pretty nervous like you dont even know.
3. i was hoping that went over way better. i thought it was nice. .
4. i need to buy a new CFM dress
5. offically e v e r y o n e i talk to is on a diet- i dont want to be the only fatty left. operation liquid diet in affect.
6. hole above my lip or hole in my nose?
7. fakebake.

have another drink & drive yourself home

chaos.
i did exactly what i said i was going to do.
fb, tv, muchies, blog, going to get wings.
POV is due in 15 hours.
the pressure is on- but not really, i'll get to it. . eventually.

today: giggles and smiles.
tomorrow: tired and haggard anticipated.
the sweater im wearing right now is debateable.
bright red american apparel? i'm kinda cute for santa.

I’d said what I’d said that I’d tell you, and that you’d killed the better part of me. If you could just milk it for everything, I’ve said what I’d said and you know what I mean. But I still can’t focus on anything, We kiss on the mouth but still cough down our sleeves.

more spine on a jellyfish

we dont remember days, we remember moments.
we dont rememer playlists, we remember songs.
i could tell you exactly what i was doing the first time i heard tommy gun and the last time i heard it.
i could tell you exactly where i was the first time i heard the reason or silverstien
i could tell you exaclty who i was with when i last heard wonderwall (that fcking song. .)
and i could tell you exactly what i was wearing the first time i heard the killers and what i wasnt wearing last time i heard the killers.
i could tell you excatly what i felt the first time i heard the holly springs disaster or mgmt.

i can remember that time i got ready for my first "show" thinking a striped polo and skinnys meant i was XcoreX.
i can remember the last time he said i looked pretty or pushed my hair out of my eyes.
i can remember how ridiculous sick my sternum was [click]. or how cute i looked with blond hair for that matter.
i can remember the last time i cried i laughed so hard
i can remember the first phone call " why was tn your favourite"
i can remember when he got so drunk he spilled everything you ever said about me
i can remember telling her every last detail of what i'd been up to- and watching her jaw drop in disbelief.
and i can remember everylast shitshow better than i remember 4 days ago.
the list goes on.

look at your face- like your killed in a dream. and you think you've figured everything out. i think you know my geometry pretty damn well you say what you need so youll get more, if you could just milk it for everything. i've said what i said and you know what i mean.

im still pretty nervous about . .
well, you'll know in time.
i suppose.
and now we wait.

tell me what you got away with

you smell good- what was that sent again?
ohyeah, i cheat on everyone by calvin klein.


tonight i fell in love.. .
nick&norahs infinite playlist.
cutest movie of my life.
norah was secretly playing my life on big screen- she just didnt know it yet. fuck.
i think i was smiling just as the name of the movie showed up on the screen.
but really-- my lifestory.
nick, tall, tris, the drunk friend. .
watch it, youll just know what character you are in my life.


this weekend was different.
in a weird 8months ago-esque way.
window watching (with excittment) , curled up with pillows-giggling- wifes&husbands, albino children. latenight showtime. achomplishing nothing productive but content in doing so.
only this time you werent my husband and everybody lost with gray girl pants.
haha- i think youll always remain my fave.


then again this weekend wasnt that different, still procrasinating on hw and the million other things this week. shitbox.


"you don't have to yell- we're not at a train station. we're in a tiny car."

"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"

i was nervous that today would be the day- but it wasn't.
maybe tomorrow.
the perfect hipster attire, overly cordinated friends and smoking bubles expolding at the most perfect times.
almost to perfect.
bob ross infatuation, we were the happy little mistakes- just letting it happen.
when we all got talking, it was like we never skipped a beat
although our rhythm was a little off this time.
i stopped faking it when you stoped caring
you never noticed. you said you always knew.


then again you are far to cute or whatever he said.

i've got a twenty dollar bill

i'm a birthday candle in a circle of black girls


I'm put together beautifully;
Big wet bottle in my fist
I'm a perfect piece of ass
Like every Californian
So tall I take over the street
with highbeams shining on my back
A wingspan unbelievable
I'm a festival, I'm a parade
all the wine is for me






one thought of the day: class reading out loud-- seriously
one word for the day: lame
one line from the day: "he's not attractive, just warning you"
one look of the day: glazed, lost, thought i knew you better than that.

you're tearing up your photos

"if you drink wine you can't be a whore,--it's classy-- we'll i drink a vodka so.."
oh how i love you.


pretty much a perma wastecase these days.
it's getting colder, the fairs comming soon.
cute.
falling leaves and pumpkin frenzy ♥-- ew wait do i sound like one of those season enthusiast mom blogs? gross.
so, glad to have friends back in order.
joking is now approriate and expected.






when you get it, take it as a smile from me to you.
nothing more, nothing less.
let me know.

pulling at your insides all night

$500 later
a winter coat that will make boys cry
vnecks and floppy hats.
toronto is bad news.

tonight entails
rapture VIP at the absinthe.
trashfest.


it's time to kill the drama this lifestyles getting old.

nurture cherished wounds

medium is the message.
we'll see how it plays out in a few days.

new holes in my face soon times.
new wardrobe tomorrow &go.

i just want to make you smile.
je ne sais pas.

i need more crystal castle in my life.
thrash leather jackets and american apparel.
well fuck me.

the part i must have missed

"my life is like a soap opera, only i never win"
"what are you talking about, you always win.."
.."i know right.."

you left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul.
today was to hot for september
he's not as naive as we thought.
if you know, sorry i didnt tell you.
mondays are the new tuesday nights.
get stoked.

i submit no excuse

fall back on reasons that we know won't stand a chance



in my weekend of scandal



2 mistakes that should have never happened

2 mistakes that were glady taken

2 mistakes that never happened but should have

nights growing old in your bed

"my dads a doctor, it's hard to live up to that"
.."thats to bad.."
"your a nice girl.."

do girls really fall for that shit? spending half my night being a victim of bad pickup lines was VERY overratted.
pub night seemed like a lame high school prom. how are 22 year olds going when im 19 and finding it a bad scene. over priced booze and over priced company.

being half trashed was a tease.
and being baked off my face was even worse. strobe + black lights made it seem like i was having a fucking seizure all night.

finally it's friday.
the weekend looks promising.
and so stoked for monday B.A.R.K adventures.
♥