[ 12 ]

"ugh it looks like our gingerbread house is from new orleans"

next year i'm going with the gingerbread train kit instead.
lolol.

Its not that he makes me laugh, it's how he makes me laugh.
And it's not that i make him smile, it's how i make him smile.
it's laughs that turn silent when only little gasps of air escape
and smiles that aren't made by lips but through eyes.



♥
she's never fallen so hard.

[ 11 ]

so last night i finally cheered up, the sinking feeling stopped and smiles appeared, "i think you're gorgeous renee." i miss staying up and talking until 5am but at the same time gay chats and falling asleep with a smile is a fine trade off.
he makes me so happy.

anyways, what a terrible winter day; rain, slush and empty apartments to come home to. i saw my final mark for interactive today, pretty sub par but im sure nothing as bad as what my media mark is going to look like. is it because im on my own and im not trying as hard or because 2nd year is actually hard. i think the jury is still out on this one. or could it be my vag not being on lockdown and me actually having to do work the issue- an interesting argument im sure. in other news i'd be lying if i said im still not upset about the way both shot of loves turned out though. poor tila. <3

no fancy words or paragraphs today, i can't tell you something you already know.
sushi, studying, and sleeping in store for tonight.
hopefully with some company.

"What do you do when he stops loving you?"
"Well, you cry a little...then you wait for the sun to come up. It always does."

[ 10 ]

those stupid sheets, my vice. in those sheets i feel most comfortable, they make me want to say everything on my mind. they make me want to tell you how i've never been so hurt by you a few months earlier and at the same time tell you how much i care for you now. these sheets make me wonder if anyone else has been tangled up in them, like i'm tangled up in you, and then im reminded of how everything started- don't be so naive renee. but i can't help it, the sheets make me naive. i become exposed, vunerable and helpless in these sheets. i've fallen for every last word you told me in them, i've cried in these sheets, laughed in these sheets, smiled in these sheets and woke up with none of these sheets on me. they make me want to feel you grabbing me, arching my back and feel your skin stretched over your bones. when im not in these sheets, it makes me uneasy and on edge.




somebody like you can really make things all right for me.

[ 0 9 ]

we were walking there
and i had tangles in my hair
but you make me feel so pretty.

Hello, my name is?
ren nay

What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?
♥

What was your worst mistake in your life?
lol there have been some doozies.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you?
he's always asking, no dice.

You're walking down the street with your love, where are you going?
to american apparel

What's something you really want right now, be honest
cuddles and to be watching a shot of love

Three feelings at the moment?
happy
scared
tired

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
this morning at 8am.

Does anything hurt on your body?
my back..kinda.

Who was the last person to disappoint you?
myself.

Do you still talk to that person?
lolol

What are you listening to right now?
Say all i need; one republic

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
no sir.

Do you know someone in jail?
uh, i don't think so.

Where were you at 2:00 this morning?
on the wrong side of the bed

Where's the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
a portapotty? gross.

Who are you in love with?
ugh.

What's the cd in your player?
basically fifa 08 mix. hahah

Anywhere you'd rather be right now?
yeah, anywhere besides otown

Are you going anywhere for the next summer?
negative.

Do you have plans today?
naps, movie watching, sleeping.

Are you waiting for anyone's call right now?
no, but hopeful.

Will you call them if they don't call?
probably not

Who are your last two texts from?
oh- you mean my last two mass txts?--LAME

Whats your current favorite color?
yellow

Have you trespassed?
not recently. .

Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side?
on the side

Ever had a near death experience?
no, but my car accident was scary

something you do alot?
smile

Do you want to see somebody right now?
:)

Would you ever take one of your ex's back?
not if nothing has changed, you know.

What did you do Friday night?
last friday? went to kylas party.

Whats your favorite smell?
abercrombie&poppers.

Do you like to sleep?
when i actually get some

Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
no

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
not even close

Are you close with your mother?
pretty tight

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
daily

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with P?
HA

What are you thinking about right now?
him

Do you have any bruises?
nope

Are your parents over the age of 40?
yep.

What are you looking forward to in the next 5 days?
no school for 3 days.
gay sleep overs
almost being done school this week

Do you like hugs?
depends.

Do you live near your best friend?
one of them

Is there anybody that you trust 100%?
foolishly

Are you satisfied with your life right now?
i feel like my life is pretty phenomenal right now

Whats some bad news you received lately?
no pants at lulu lemon..ugh

What did you do last night?
ate a blizzrd, had a fashion show, cleaned, laughed all night.

What color is the nail polish on your nails?
red

What color is your bedspread?
grey/pink

Do you miss anybody right now?
yes

Are you in a fight with a friend right now?
no.

Does love frighten you?
loves gross :)

Are you wearing makeup?
barely, i still look like a mess

Will you leave the house without makeup on?
yeaauh im lazy.

Have you ever fallen for your best friend's guy?
lolol no.

Can you walk into a room full of strangers and maintain your confidence?
depends if there ugly or not.

Are you getting back together with your exboyfriend?
.. i feel like my exboyfriend wrote this survey.

Does anybody hate you?
i'm sure many.

Do you like anyone?
a little bit

Speaking of which, ever been hit on by a much, much older person?
no.

How do you feel about Hello Kitty?
i don't really care.

If someone gave you $100,000 to shave your head, would you?
..no

Do small children like you?
they fucking love me

How often to you dream of zombies?
i don't at all, ever.

Do you think mushrooms are cool-looking?
not when there slapping my face

What happened at 11:00 am?
i got home from school

Did you receive anything special today?
no, nothing in the mail :(

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? What would it say?
MGDW

Are you having a good day today?
kinda sub par.

Do you prefer big dogs or small dogs?
i'm an equal opportunity dog lover

Have you had to get your tonsils removed?
no

Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
yeah, scantron ruins lives.

"my hearts beating so fast right now"
"can i feel it?"

[ 09 ]

New York, you're perfect
Don't please don't change a thing. .

[ 08 ]

what a drunken mess we all were. but happy, drunken messes.

my wish to play ive never was fuffilled, and as expected it provided mass laughs and suggestive thoughts. "ive never made out with him.." at a table of 6 only one drank. hahaha.


the party was crashed before it even started, but nothing stopped us last night. the old gang + new additons. new shenanigans in their prime.

i never meant it happen like this. and yet;
i continue to fall harder
faster
and completely.

[07]

i'm happy, all the time now. it's scary, no one is this happy. your this happy too. what the fuck happened to us. we used to miserable and not give two fucks...you used to be one of the rotten ones, and i liked you for that.

esentially one week of school left.
this week nearly killing me in the process.

3 things on my mind
blazing, scene 4, how gross i've become, ugh.
2 things i want to be doing
blazing, scene 4.
1 person i want to see
him.

no pub tonight, my liver is under lockdown for friday's trashfest.
i have this weird craving to play i've never.

updates more often.

[ 06 ]

i'm sure i've tasted this before.
what did I expect?
you're no good at lying
and I'm no good at comebacks.
but you're so untouchable.
and I'm so-terrible at this.

[ 05 ]

remember when my lungs weren't filthy? me either. well atleast not as filthy as my mouth.
yesterday was my first time into the mall in about 2 months. christmas has exploded everywhere and i couldn't be more pleased out it. of course, not as pleased as my waitress at kelseys who HEARD HER FIRST CHRISTMAS SONG ON THE RADIO YESTERDAY! loves what we ordered and LOL TOTALLY LOVED MY BAG! (happy people make me want to re evaluate my life.) but still pleased none the less. 1 month 2 days until christmas, a job would be phenomenal right now.

"she's kind of amazing...ugh gay"
"it's okay shes grossed out too"
♥

[ 0 4 ]

"i'm sorry if i destroy you."
"me too."






it's 4am and i can't sleep
memories made in the coldest winter.

[0 3]

Look we both know how i feel about you so i'm just going to shoot straight. You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. You're smart, charming, you laugh at all my stupid jokes and have a horrible habbit of always saving my life. The truth is, you're everything that I thought I ever wanted and more. And the last few days all I could think about was the future. About what it's going to be like once I get the intersect out of my head and we can be together for real, no fake relationship, no covers, no lies. But the more I think about it ,the more I realize that you and I can never have a future together. I fooled myself into thinking that we could but the truth is we can't. Because even if we had a real relationship it'd never really be real. . I'm a normal girl who wants a normal life. And as amazing as you are Jesse Lacey, we both know that you will never be normal.

[02]

last sems my gpa was 3.8, this sems, i think if we divide that in half, it will be more accurate. ugh


this week was so long, its 1:30 on a saturday and it feels like its 7:00 on a sunday.
thursday night shindig was pretty respectable. (and by pretty respectable i mean i had a sick time.) my usual drunken mouth ran, confession that shouldnt have been said, were said. (we can always count on me for that one.) i wanted him so bad. this time it wasnt just the vodka or the bass from the music talking. i probably said a little to much. friday was haggard, relaxed and a little cute while saturday morning was a close call. "should i ask?..im not sleeping anyway.." "you asleep?" "hhmmh?" "nevermind." thankgod.




if your not really here
then the stars dont really matter
i want to be next to you.
black and gold.

[01]

this week has been one hell of a week.
i can finally say retail is out of the way and we killed the presentation.
i've managed to pull my back in the stupidest way so now i am walking around like a gimp. ive found myself getting celebratory drinks with the new classmates i swore that i probably would never become friends with; which made me really realize how much i miss the tuesday night drinking crew, "i've never", " i really like it when", drunken pictionary and everything in between. i feel like this week, more so, this month i've realized who the true friends are. who can really make me smile and who is just waiting around to be easy meat. this weekend i also was a smoking hot wastecase bridesmaid and spent almost all today crashed and burned out in my bed.


in my tired mess this month, in between friends and drinking and spending way to much in the big room, i can say i'm the happiest i've been in a l o n g time.

all the crimes they commit

3 drinks
3 pain pills
2 shots
2 joints
1 random asian drug dealer
1 txt "yes! i still have enough money to buy my gf a card for our 18 month aniversary!"
1 realization, whats with me and guys with girlfriends?
1 drunken phone call
1am drug run
1 chat that was well needed
1 line "you can still surprise me"



my back hurts so much this morning it's unreal.
he said he would have mailed me back
if he had a card.
oh well the thought was there.

new york i love you but you're freaking me out